Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Tricky Little Difference Between Talking and Communicating

I have been talking for over 25 years. I would like to think I am reasonably good at it… somewhat articulate, don't mind talking in front of groups… but I'm learning there is a vast difference between talking and communicating. If I'm talking, words are coming out of my mouth.  But if I'm communicating my words/meanings/intents are being heard and received in the manner I intended by the person I'm talking to, and vice versa.

Taylor and I have a wonderful relationship. We like to talk to each other, and we frequently find ourselves thinking or saying exactly the same thing. But that doesn't mean we communicate perfectly.

A couple weeks ago we were trying to get ready for harvest. It can be a stressful time. There's always a list of things we feel we need to get done before we get into the fields because once harvest starts, you really don't have time for anything else until it's over. But, somehow, the wheat always seems to be ready before we've completed our list. :)
After a couple days of harvesting, it rained and kept us out of the field for a day. Taylor and I were trying our best to use that day to finish some of those remaining to-dos. Earlier in the week Taylor had to cancel the haircut he had scheduled, and he was getting pretty shaggy. While eating lunch I mentioned that maybe he would even have a chance to get his hair cut that afternoon. Taylor said it would be nice but that he still had some work to finish at the feedyard as well as mowing the yard, weed eating, along with a few other tasks he felt were more important, and he doubted he would have time for a haircut even if he wanted.
I sat there thinking for a few moments and then said something along the lines of "I'll be able to help you with the yard work. You've got time to get your hair cut." What I meant was to be a considerate, helpful wife offering to share the work load so he wouldn't have to neglect himself to get everything done.
(Que breakdown of communication here)
But to Taylor, me telling him that he "had time" after he'd just finished telling me he didn't, was the equivalent of me telling him that things he felt needed to be done really weren't that important and that a haircut should actually be at the top of his list. To him, my comment seemed disrespectful and like I did not value the work he had to do.

With a little extra time we were able to fix this misunderstanding, but it reminded me how easily I assume others will precisely understand my words and meanings when I talk.  It also reminded me how easy it is for a lack of communication to create hard feelings.

I'm sure Taylor and I will spend the rest of our lives developing our communication skills, but I know it's something we're both committed to working on to keep our relationship strong.
My nephew, Kolden, got in on the harvest action. He came out to visit me and we started harvesting the day after he arrived. I was so glad to get to spend some special time with him.

Western Kansas Fact: If it rains, they will come.
The past 3+ years I've lived in Western Kansas, one of the bonuses of the dry weather was the lack of mosquitoes. However, we were blessed to get quite a bit of rain this spring and with the rain came the mosquitoes. I was amazed at how fast they showed up.

This is a Scripture I have fallen in love with:

"Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear." Isaiah 65:24
This verse reminds me that, no matter where we are at in our lives, God knows exactly what we need. He knows the desires of our hearts, and if we seek Him and His will, He will answer our prayers, and a lot of times He may be working on answering them before we even pray.

I hope you all have a fabulous remainder of the week and weekend!

Lyndee

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